Grab A Flashlight, We’re Heading In

“There are two ways of spreading the light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.” - Edith Warton, 1902

Sometimes, clients come into a coaching session with a feeling of being overwhelmed with emotion. They can be excited or feel uncomfortable with something. Excitement and anxiety can be the flip sides of the same coin. When a client is unable to have movement, or even know what they feel, it’s a bit like being on a plane and the captain has just announced your landing was delayed and you start the circling, and circling, and circling. Moving and yet getting nowhere.

Maybe it’s that you're ready to take the leap and start that business or take it to next level at the company where you are at, or you’ve gotten clear on what’s important in a relationship, or you need to communicate something of value, importance at work or at home, or you’re ready to make yourself, your overall health, a priority and not just talk or crab about it.

It’s always best to start with where you are, in the moment, rather than waste energy spinning or wrestling what you don’t want to be with. That which we resists persists! It gets bigger instead of smaller, when we try to suppress it, it grows, our head spin faster, and boom…into overwhelm we go.

People come into coaching wanting change. These past years in particular, created many strong emotions towards what has gone on, and what continues to be going on.

The style of coaching I practice gives you the opportunity to own your WHOLE life... all of it. The gestalt. The highs, the lows, the peaks, the valleys, and the coasting.

Sometimes we think we want what is the safe comfortable middle, the coasting part, with no swings in either direction.

A shield of resistance to pain, or maybe avoidance of strong emotion, low or high, is a misguided form of self-protection.

Who doesn’t want the safe comfortable middle place, with no swings either way, that coasting place, you ask? Great question!

One consideration might be to imagine if I plugged an EKG monitor into your life force, instead of highs and lows, if it really was in that middle zone, it’s dangerous close to mimicking a flat line. Is that the life you really want to live?

If Fulfillment coaching clarifies what’s really important to you, your values, dreams and gremlins, and Balance coaching offers different perspectives giving you back choices, then Process coaching gives you back having the ability to experience your WHOLE life in every moment. All of these move you into action towards the life you are creating.

Life is not static, and neither are emotions, they are fluid. Don’t you want it all? If you open up to the realm of it, sure you live the dips, and learn, but you also soar with the eagle on your peaks! Can’t have one without the other, doesn’t work that way. If you dull the feeling of one, you dull it all.

We often do things, or a part of us does, to protect us from discomfort or strong emotion in either direction. It may have been a strategy or belief that in the past was really helpful, but in the current moment, in who you are today, in 2022, not so helpful and sometimes hurtful. The cost can be very high.

No one wants to swim in the swamp for the sake of swimming in the swamp. I don’t. But I’ll gladly swim in the swamp with you for the gems. I’ll listen for and welcome in and join the truer voice within you and show you how to make space for it, for you, in your own life.

Transparently teaching you concrete strategies on engaging and having more choice with the voice of your gremlins, the less resourceful parts that hold you back for fear of what the change might bring.

When we are changing or stretching, playing a bigger game, our gremlins get kicked up. It’s great!!!! It means it’s happening; you are moving towards what’s important to you. You are moving forward, you are changing!

They wouldn’t be so kicked up otherwise. Gremlins like status quo. The flat line. No change. The familiar.

When we get stuck, and we have tried a number of strategies to move forward and its unsuccessful, it's worth going in and checking out what the heck is in there that is getting in your way. It gives us an opportunity to be with what is. We shine the light in, and on, for clarity, which gives us awareness, choice, and thus movement.

”The curious paradox is that when I accept myself, just as I am, then I change.”
-Carl Rogers

These past couple of years have surely given us ample opportunity of being with. It’s an awkward phrase isn’t it, being with. Being in action implies movement, checking off the to-do list, executing, focusing on options, brainstorming. The “fun” stuff, right, the productive stuff. Measured productivity. Being with implies exploring the territory, maybe even moving deeper into an experience, a feeling, an old belief or strategy. Whatever shows up is ok, and nothing has to change in this moment. And yet…

”The curious paradox is that when I accept myself, just as I am, then I change.”

So much time and energy spent avoiding, resisting, fighting the reality of what is, or how we feel. It’s exhausting, and it takes from us tremendous energy. We wonder why we are exhausted all the time.

Why is it so important to be with what is, because what we can’t be with runs our lives.

That’s right, …. Think about it for a sec,
WHAT WE CAN’T BE WITH RUNS OUR LIVES.

Checking out these things can be a little scary for many people. It makes me super curious. Like an explorer, I get really excited to find what we find. We all have our interests that draw us forward, make our hearts sing, this is one of mine, always has been, strong value here!

When I’m met with a client’s resistance, I start by knocking on the front door, no entry. It’s ok, I try the back door, nope. I grab a ladder, ok let’s try that upper left window, all for the benefit, all in the interest of learning, what the heck is damning up the flow?

Sometimes metaphors can be helpful at this time. Clients will often use them without even knowing, phrases like I got a logjam, nothing is moving. I feel like a Ferrari, and I got my foot on the gas, but somethings holding up the rear end, the tires are flying, and I have no traction. All souped up but going nowhere!

That can be when the IDK’s start showing up. I don’t know this; I don’t know that. I start keeping count, yep, and at a certain count we bench the IDK bug, and start guessing, well what if you did know, you don’t have to be exactly right, let’s start somewhere. I love managing that IDK bug! Most often we do know. Said in a whisper, we always do know something.

The head can be spinning in so many directions, the smarter you are, the faster the head can spin. Oh, I have very bright clients!

The body on the other hand, it knows. It travels at a slower speed though. I know, I hear your response. You’ve got to slow down, drop in, be with, and there it is. Right there. This parts tough for you. I get it. It’s tough for many of us, and again, another process that makes my heart sing.

I am tenacious in holding this space for you. You deserve to give yourself what you really want, to live your life, this life, with the things in it, the people in it, the experiences, that matter the most to you! YOLO!

What’s your body telling you? Often times when we don’t listen it begins to speak louder, anxiety might kick up, or maybe your sleep is off, or your patience is challenged and you’re less tolerant. You start feeling metal to metal with no buffer in between. Your health starts reflecting what you are ignoring.

Setting boundaries, or better self-care, managing your health, sleep, rest or nutrition, lifestyle these are necessities, not luxuries. If the foundation is not sound, the house will not hold.

For many, our social networks, our time with friends and family have taken a big hit over the past few years. Many have not had access to the things support you in managing your stress or bring you enjoyment or joy.
What’s needed to connect your strand back into the web of life?

Maybe you’re concerned with disappointing others, maybe you’re scared of being vulnerable, or failing, or succeeding.

Yep, that’s what I said, succeeding!

Success can bring with it exposure, you could actually be seen for who you really are, and what you are capable of, and maybe that increases expectation on self, or from others. Maybe you like or prefer traveling under the radar.

The coaching process can bring with it, its up’s and down. One would think well what’s uncomfortable with the ups, right? Isn’t that what we really want from successful coaching?

Many clients after weeks or months of working hard towards a goal, once in sight or reached, they are already ready to focus on the next thing rather than celebrate their success. I’m sure this has never happened to you of course. 😊

Consider for a minute; what’s the benefit of marinating in your accomplishments, celebrating yourself, celebrating with others, and letting others celebrate you?

Maybe it’s anger, or intimacy, too risky; take the detour route here. Or fear of confrontation, like my dog towards new objects like the trash cans.

We are so busy, using up energy to avoid, go around this, get by that, and then we are confused, why am I so exhausted? What do I have no energy for the things that really matter to me? How did my life get so small?

Until you see it, or deal with it, or be with it, whatever it is, it will continue to run your life.

We’ve all heard the phrase that which resists persist.

What if you really believed you could have a richer, fuller, or smaller, more peaceful, or purposeful life. Some part of you does, or you wouldn’t be this far into this blog.

It’s so helpful to have company in this process. Someone who can track your experience and progress when you get a little lost in it all. It’s easy to forget all of who we are and what we are capable of.

As your coach, I’m right here, front row seat, in the moment, with who you are, and if a reminder is needed, you’ve got it!

I remember who you are, and who you are becoming! I know and believe in what you’ve achieved and are working towards. I’ve experienced how creative, adaptive, and resourceful you really are.

Sure, I’m more than happy to hold this process with you and at times for you, because I know you will pick it right back up and off we go…

Remember
Movement begets movement.
Small steps matter big
When we get stuck, there’s something important showing up, that needs our attention, you might not know it yet, but it’s got your best interest at heart.
And that dear one, is the heart of it all.